Scared Shitless (And Other Emotions I’ve Felt Since Learning I’m Traveling the World For a Year)

Allow me to elaborate via a Laursaurus (that should be a dinosaur but it's my wombo version of Lauren and Thesaurus. Wombo = word combo. You'll learn.)

Scared Shitless: Yeah. I mean, look at the world. It’s fucking crazy. And not in a good way. TERRORISM! WEIRD DISEASES! DISGRUNTLED AIRLINE EMPLOYEES! VAGUE TEXT MESSAGES! It’s messed up out there. But the United States isn’t exactly the safest place to be right now. I mean hell, there was a mass shooting two blocks away from me three weeks ago. We can’t let the terrible people/things win. Scary? Yes. Restraining? Hellllll to the nah.

Confused: What the hell are packing cubes? Do I need a visa to visit Portugal? How many bags can I (afford to) take? Why do fools fall in love? ‘Confused’ is a big one. I am SO lost. Not just on the traveling front, but on the social and romantic and professional one too. Is my budget right or will I go poor halfway through and end up singing on the street for Euros? Why is this person that I used to date coming out of the blue NOW? Where do I want to go to dinner? (THIS WILL ALWAYS BE A THING.) Am I capable of even doing this? Obviously, that last one was a yes. 

Drunk: A big part of leaving people is saying goodbye. What’s casual enough to say goodbye over without dropping a wad of cash on a sit down meal at a restaurant in between you and me but closer to me? Drinks. Happy hour. All of the drinks. Late night happy hour, early happy hour, BRUNCH OH MY GOD LET’S GET BRUNCH! That gets pricey, but who could resist. My poor liver feels like a raisin. And I know, I know, I don’t have to drink. Why don’t we just get coffee instead? Oh great, yeah. Why don’t we? Then we can go get married after I learn about your childhood. We drink coffee to delve into our problems. We drink alcohol to forget about them; let’s do that instead! CHEERS TO ME!

Isolated: Though I’m spending a ton of time with the people I love, I can’t help but think of the fact that I’ll be leaving them, alone, for an entire year with 75 people that I don’t even know. I’ve grazed a few Facebooks but just don’t have the time to properly stalk them via the Internet. Will I like any of these people? Will they like me? Will my friends actually keep in touch with me or will I be constantly trying to connect to no avail? More importantly, will the person I sit next to on the plane embrace the way I fall asleep but sometimes flinch and accidentally hit them in the face?

Stressed: This is inevitable. I actually like stress, but it’s getting to be pretty hectic. My full-time job is still up and running at a very fast pace, I’ve got two freelance writing projects, a huge calligraphy project, two separate projects in the works, and I’m still working at a restaurant part-time. Meanwhile on Facebook, everyone’s planning side trips to ride camels while I’m just trying to get my life together before I leave. Queue the teen angst: Sometimes, it’s just too much. *listens and softly cries to “Vienna” by Billy Joel in the bathroom*

Overconfident: I mean yeah this is a crazy time in my life but when else will I do this and I’ve always liked working hard and I’m gonna live the dream because I don’t wanna be all talk and I love a good challenge and I’m 26 and single and sure I over pack but who only packs four pairs of shoes you weirdo fuck it I’m packing seven I don’t give a shit I can totally do this I’m doing the thing that people wish they could do this is awesome I’m a LIVING INSTAGRAM I’LL BE FAMOUS PROBABLY OK PROBABLY NOT BUT THIS IS STILL COOL AS SHIT.

In a nutshell, I’m a bigger mess than Donald Trump. (Add: Excited – that I don’t have to be here in case he’s elected because fuuuuuuck that. But also, I will be voting via an absentee ballot because America.) But you know what? I wouldn’t do it any other way. Only because I have no idea what I’m doing anyway, so that makes it an easy decision. My only hope is that I live the life we all portrayed in our AOL Instant Messenger Away Messages.

~*LiFe Is A RoLLErCoAsTer AnD I’vE GoT My HaNdS iN tHe AiR*~

~*~*~ oH eMm GeE hOw DiD wE HaVe sO mUcH TiMe tO TyPe LiKe ThiS wE ReALLy WeRe StuPiD ~*~*~